I am wrong. A lot. For some leaders these words being in print would be their worst nightmare. Admitting mistakes is something I have been scolded for in the past, something that was perceived as a weakness by other leaders. But I fundamentally disagree with that.

I lead from my heart and from a place of abundance, entrepreneurship and joy. So much so that I often call myself a golden retriever, albeit one in a blazer. Leading from that place is a siren call for those who are attracted to that kind of leadership but for others, I’m a walking red flag.

And so, as I began to sit at leadership tables it became clear that I was going to have to find ways to work with those who lead from a different, equally valid, place.

Let me say, it’s not easy.

It takes a lot of years to understand who you are and how to be a leader and with those years comes a lot of experience which informs you of your approach. As we get older, we often get hardened into positions and worldviews and then are thrust to a table with those who may think completely differently.

Add in the fact that leadership is esoteric and frequently mixed up with management and coaching and we have a recipe for workplace conflict, stalled projects and confused and/or grumpy staff.

• So, what do you do when you are a golden retriever across the table from a black cat?
• What if the leader you need to work with isn’t the leader you want to be like?

I’ve worked with a couple of leaders over the years who, from my perception, leaned into the power and control of leadership. They preferred to dictate approach and outcome to get the exact result they wanted when they wanted it. So, when we would sit at a table together it was messy. They wanted to plan to minutia, and I wanted to create a roadmap and let people find their way to the outcome on their own.

What did I do?

The same thing I always do. No—not try and take over the world. I paused and asked questions. Understanding why they were approaching it this way helped me get onside enough to make real progress.

The questions I ask are generally open-ended and without judgement, something we are losing in an increasingly polarized world.

• “What, assuming there is one, is the worry behind XYZ?”
• “Could we try to approach this in a different way?”
• “Is there really a limiting factor here (time, money) or are we simply trying to push this through?”

And they would do the same in return—

• “Is it realistic for you to think this will be the outcome?”
• “Is this a reasonable time to give this amount of flexibility?
• “Are you undertaking this project with the seriousness it deserves?”

These questions, asked in the wrong environment and with the wrong players could be misconstrued, but when asked with an open heart and actively listening to the response that comes back, you can make real progress to a place that works for everyone.

So, with that in mind, and remembering that I don’t have all the answers (see the opening to this article) here are my top tips for working with other styles that I hope will help you learn a little quicker, and with fewer tears than it took me.

• Know who you are and that you aren’t for everyone and trying to change that will likely turn off more folks than you bring on board.
• Be open to being wrong about your approach but stand in the power it gives you and adapt as you make mistakes.
• It’s about bending, not breaking, to get to a place that works for everyone. Remember that the different styles are likely to lead to a better outcome if it’s rooted in respect.
• Decentralize yourself from the task at hand – don’t take it personally because its often not.

I’m still early in my leadership journey and would love to hear your top tips for leading from your power and finding your way through with others so please reach out – let’s chat about it.

Laura Champion is the Senior Director, Fund Development at Lumenus Foundation. She is the Founder of the AFP Speaker Discovery Series, was Chair of AFP GTA Congress in 2020, and has spoken all over the globe. She has a deep love for fundraising, learning and her one-eyed wiener dog, Mortadella.